Monday, April 11, 2005

Letters I've Been Meaning Send.

Dear Apple Computer Company,

Your repairmen suck. Why, praytell, has my poor iBook been through 3 (yes, ladies and gentlemen, one, two THREE!) Hard-drives, 3 (Yes, folks, again t-h-r-e-e) logicboards, a new power supply pack, a new screen, new memory and still, three months, and 400$ later, it still sucks. It was fine 'til you tried to fix it.
Signed,
Shouldagottadell.
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Dear Eureka Vacuum Cleaner Company,

I do not care what your phone specialist says. A smoking vacuum is not a good vacuum. Fix it. Now.
Signed,
Isacleanfloortoomuchtoaskfor.
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Dear Citizens of the State of Virginia,

We must revolt now against these rediculous red-light cameras. We fair citizens can no longer afford Fifty Dollars for being in the box at the change of the light. I urge you to make your voice heard. WE WILL NOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER!
Signed,
Outfiftytbucks

P.S.- Your driving is atrocious. Shape up.
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Dear Apartment 202,

I hate your children. I hate your children and your cooking. I understand that in some cultures, fish for breakfast is normal. Maybe even a delicacy. But really, do you leave the raw fish on the counter all night? Is it fermented when you cook it? Stop stinking the whole building. And now, about your devil children. Shoes look cute on children. Dress shoes look cute on little girls. Tap dress shoes on hardwood floors is absolutely unneccessary, and downright obnoxious. Living above you, when your beast-children run, the crystal jiggles in the hutch, the dog trembles and the whole apartment shakes. I can only imagine what the people below you feel like.
Signed,
Isyourleaseupyet?
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1 comment:

lauren e said...

OH MY LORD, those were GREAT! :)

love it love it......