Sunday, July 31, 2005

As Promised.

Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.
Here's the pic of Jemma and Evan tubing.

My sister is a tube piglet, and though you can't see it, she manages to take up a full 75% of the leg room, leaving her tube partner to flounder in the water. Upon seeing this picture, she promptly announced "I look like a rat. A Giant rat. A tubing R.O.U.S"

Good times, good times.

We'll just ignore the fact the I feel off the tube three consecutive times before the boat began to move.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


You know you're from Jersey when.....

In your mind you hear "watch out for the tram car please" even in your sleep.

You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality.

When it snows more than an inch, you call it a blizzard.

You know someone named Siprasiut Xayapachan.

You've actually found the Echelon Mall.

Your uncle is in the mafia.

You or your friends have Lyme Disease.

You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.

You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.

You know what became of the 13th Leeds child, and claim to have seen him one time while peeing in the woods.

One time you were driving in the woods and got stuck in sand.

You have an EZ Pass, but you just hold it up.

Even though there's a new Wal-Mart in your town, you still go to the Berlin Farmers Market for cheap stuff.

Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks.

You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark.

Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April ann May.

You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.

Honesty, sincerity, and courtesy are things you once saw happen in Ohio.

You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.

You think the Olive Garden is a bunch of crap and should not open restaurants in South Jersey.

You worked at a blueberry farm when you were 13.

You played soccer from Kindergarten through high school.

You've counted the number of titty bars on the Black Horse Pike.

You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid.

Your middle school hangout was the mall.

You have an unusable, piece-of-shit boat in your front yard.

You once skipped school and went to Wildwood.

You're Italian.

You know where to get the best bagel.

You've called someone an "asshole" to their face at the Philly airport.

You say "water" weird.

Even your school made good Italian subs, but you call them hoagies.

You've almost fallen asleep on the Expressway.

You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano.

You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.

You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.

You never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.

You take day trips to New York City.

The mafia runs half the businesses in your town.

You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.

In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes.

You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.

You go to at least one parade at the boardwalk each year.

You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

You know the Atlantic City High School marching band can lay down some phat beats.

You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club.

You smoke Parliament Lights.

You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June.

Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a minature golf course.

You know what custard is in South Jersey.

You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (with automatic scoring!)

In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.

Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night.

One time, a sea gull shit all over your head.

You once said, "It smells like Philadelphia in here."

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different".

Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen.

You know it can be -10 degrees and 70 degrees in January in the same year.

There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road.

You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often.

You scoff at tourists in Philadelphia.

Your town has an online commmunity.

At least one person brings Big Fizz to a party.

You go to another state and sit at a gas station wondering when the people will come out to pump your gas.

You have your own bucket for carmel corn refills.

You know that no matter how much they put into the Camden waterfront Camden is still Camden.

You have to mail your relocated friends tastykakes.

You think North Jersey is a different state and South Jersey deserves its own secession.

Your high school prom was at the Camden Aquarium or The Mansion in Voorhees.

You have season passes to Great Adventure.

You refuse to call Hoagies "subs."

You know where Olga's Diner is on rt 70.

You are tired of people not believing you're from jersey because you don't have a New York accent.

You drive by a farm every time you get in the car.

You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else.

Eastern Regional High School has a rip list every year!

Your neighbor is either a painter, a plumber, a builder, or an electrician with a work truck in the driveway.

You have crossed all 5 bridges into Philly at one point in your life.

You take day trips to philly to walk on South Street.

You have had a near or close call experiences hitting a deer with your car.

You run around in the nearest patch of woods and play paint ball with your buddies.

You've considered renaming "the Garden State" to "the Hoagie State"

You have a story about the "Hell Hole" ride in Wildwood.

You remember the ducks in the middle of Cherry Hill Mall.

You call the Berlin Farmer's Market the Berlin Auction or the Auction.

You took your report card to Clementon Park for free tickets.

You've had some of the best parties in a field.

Other people dont know what funnel cake and water ice is because everyone else calls it fried dough and slush.

You went "diner hopping" till the sun came up.

You don't acknoledge that it is tomorrow until either you go to sleep or the sun comes up.

You know where to buy a katana for less than $50.

You go on dates to diners and arcades.

You have empty Wawa half gallon iced tea bottles all over your car and room.

You've ever driven around aimlessly for hours with your friends saying "So, whatta we doin?"

You've ever said the phrase "look at fricken MacGyver over here!"

You know the difference betwine the train and the speedline.

The term "I think of you as a brother" turns into a whole family tree.

You ever drove all the way to the shore just to walk around for 5 minutes then drive back.

Your memories of places all consist of what you did there once when you were fucked up.

You ever went over someone's house to hang out with their mom.

You have a knife collection, a PS2, a cell phone, a pager, and a computer but you can't afford to get your car fixed.

One of your hangouts is a parking lot.

You say "'lanic city", instead of Atlantic City.

You can't get that sand out of your toes no matter how long it's been there.

You haven't been able to find a decent stromboli since moving out of South Jersey.

You've seen a shack with a satellite dish.
You know that a Jug Handle is both a feature of the highway and a bar that looks like someone's house in Maple Shade.

You know of at least 3 bars where you know they won't card you.

You lived near a "crick" not a creek.

You don't recognize any one at your family reunion.

You say "gimme" instead of give me, or "com' mer" instead of come here.

You know a Chrissy and we all know she's gotten around!

You think we should sell north "Joisey" to New York for $24.

Everyone eventually starred at the Latin Casino.

You never could figure out which was the Black Horse Pike or The White Horse Pike.

You're a female and have beaten the crap out of at least one guy who wasn't your brother.

You ever taken your parents car while they were asleep or away, before you were old enough to drive.

You ever cut your foot on a broken bottle in a local stream.

You have gotten bad poison ivy from hiding in a bush to make weird noises at the people passing by.

There is a dead body somewhere in or near the stream by your house.

You have to drive at least 30-60 minutes to get to work in order to make more than $10 an hour.

You know what "pulling a camper" means and do it publicly when it is necessary.

You know that a "Yield" sign is merely a suggestion.

You've considered going to your high school late at night to check for ghosts in the halls rumoured haunted.

You think pit bulls are harmless.

You don't think you have an accent.

Half your high school went to Camden County College.

You know what the song "V-town" is about.

Your front yard is made out of stones.

Everything is "twenty minutes away". If you ask how long it takes to get any place in South Jersey, the person always says, "about twenty minutes". To get to a mall, "Oh, about 20 minutes". To get to the airport, "Mmm, about 20 minutes." To get from Runnemede to Philly, "Only about 20 minutes". Try it. Only the shore areas take more than "twenty minutes". They're usually "an hour and twenty minutes."

Thrift shopping with friends is an event.

You've intentionally stood in front of the tram car, and you're upset that it no longer stutters.

You remember the old Morey's Pier before the fire.

Your parents gave in and bought you a hermit crab when you were down the shore.

You curse off three drivers in two minutes.

You went to StoryBook Land as a kid.

You haven't moved out of state soley for the reason you know the food is that bad everywhere else.


You know the one-day sale at JC Penny's really lasts three.

You live in a "dry town" and every road out of it has a liquor store at the town border.

Every time someone in Hollywood makes fun of Jersey, you're mad and proud at the same time.

Your big elementary school trip was to Springdale Farms.

You know what the conductor is going to say for every stop on the PATCO HighSpeedline.

Your neighborhood has a name that ties people together, as in "the kids"

Your shoes have turned black from being in Pennsauken.

You know at least 5 people who work at a prison.

You say "porta reeko" instead of puerto rico, as it should be pronounced.

You go to college and describe where you live in reference to how far you are from Cherry Hill.

You come home from college for christmas break and 75% of your HS graduating class is at the same diner you are at 3am.

You aren't scared of the speed line.

You don't even care when you leave your door unlocked.

More than one of your friends has spent more than a week at your house.

You've lived in a row home.

Making left turns just doesn't feel right anymore.

You have a super secret place to sled that in better than anywhere else in town!

You remember The Garden State Race Track and the day it burnt to the ground and all the tons of ashes that fell for miles.

You can spend the day at the Berlin Auction shopping at the outside flea market.

"Jeet?" makes sense when you hear it.

The only thing you can play on guitar is "Stairway to Heaven"

You were amazed Moorsetown was on MTV Cribs.

A member of your family does not have all of their teeth.

You know Voorhees used to be known as Kirkwood.

You had a birthday party at Xhilarama.

You've been to 2 or more festivals named after some kind of fruit (strawberry, apple, blueberry, lima bean).

You're astounded when a friend that moves tells you theres not a Wawa nor CVS withen a 10 mile radius of them.

Going to New York is a huge trip but Philly is someplace to go when you're bored.

You think Amish people are amazing.

Your whole school knows when each water ice place opens, and the line goes on forever!

You would drop everything you were doing and run to the voting polls right now if you heard we were voting to make North and South Jersey separate states.

Summer is a process, not a season.

You've ever been to Wheaton Village.

You know which places were built on indian burial grounds.

You've slept behind a Wawa.

You remember Caldor.

You've had a dinner with your friends for less than $3.

You don't know that in every other state, people get their liscenses when they're 16.

Everyone you know has had Confirmation but never goes to church.

After seeing a movie at the Ritz, you hang out at Tunes and then play Scrabble at Coffeeworks.

You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway.

You think a mountain is any landform taller than your house.

You know what a "shoe-bie" is and can pick one out at the beach.

You go to Delaware to buy smokes.

You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

You can smell and know when it's low tide.

You remember the bad gypsy moth years.

You eat at restaurants that have locations I, II, III, IV, and V.

You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries. Whatch

You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball.

Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.

Monday, July 25, 2005

My Arch Nemesis

Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.
Stupid little bug, ruining my boating experience yesterday.

Sure, it looks little and pleasantly colorful...But it bites like a beesting, leaving welts that itch more than mosquito bites, and lump up like a swarm of angry wasps attacked.

I. Hate. Greenheads.

Other than the greenheads (which, of course, is like saying "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?") the boat is awesome. We tubed and crabbed, and forgot the bait for our fishing poles. And the lures, and the weights. But we had poles, god dammit.

Pics of tubing to be posted shortly :)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Just Do It

A woman is often measured by the things she can not control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers; by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become - because as every woman knows, measurements are statistics, and STATISTICS LIE

- Nike advertisement

Another Angry Letter

Dear Lauren's Work,

Fix your internet, you slackers. How am I supposed to converse with the lovely Lauren all day if you take the internet away? Do you know what this will do to the already skyrocketing cell phone bill? Lauren needs a raise to compensate for these subhuman working conditions. Give me a raise too, while you're at it.

Warmly, (ha! Funny girl)

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Please Hold For The Next Representative

Dear T-Mobile,

You smell. I'm so over you. Your service sucks, your phones are expensive and crappy, and after waiting for my "friendly customer care representative" for fifteen minutes, her accent was so thick I had to ask to speak with someone else, because I couldn't understand her.

The new representative informed me that she'd give me 6 months service free if we decided not to cancel our contract with them. Tempting. However, their service still sucks, their phones are still expensive and crappy, and just because it's free doesn't mean it will work. She cheerfully informed me that if we were on one street in our new town, our service coverage would be "Fair to Moderate"

Whoohoo. The rest of the town, however is a dead zone.

But it's okay, i'm glad I called. After all, my call was very important to them. And they made every effort to minimalize my wait time. And with service like that, who cares if my cell phone doesn't work in an emergency?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Our House...Is a very very very fine house**

15105 Costa Dr.
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.
Our House, in the middle of our street
Our House, our castle to keep
Our House, it's where we're going to sleep
Our House, in the middle of our street

I remember way back then
When everything was true and when
We would have such a very good time
Such a fine time
Such a happy time
And I remember how we'd play
Simply waste the day away

Then we'd say nothing would come between us two dreamers

Our House, in the middle of our street

**You have to excuse our ghetto picture. It's a picture of a picture. That's the flash above the right side of the house, not a hovering alien space craft :)

Monday, July 11, 2005


Thursday my parents came to see the house we just bought. My mother, who has been to Northern Virginia approximately once just about lost her lunch over exactly what 320k bought us. "But....The windows.." She stammered. "They don't even have SCREENS!" We tried to explain that the fact that the home had all of it's walls and a roof intact was a step up from most in our price bracket. But she continued. "And the bathroom is so..." dramatic pause with lip curl "DATED!" Did not go so well. We ate at Applebees, wrapped in blankets because the A/C must've been set for "Arctic Tundra" My parents left, trading Guido for Jemma.

Friday Jemma and I loafed at the pool, went to craft stores, loafed at the pool some more, and ate ice cream.

Saturday brought a trip to the zoo, in 95+ degree heat and direct sun. I'm a little crispy. The cheetah babies are no longer cute fluffs, but awkward teenage cheetahs, feet too big, legs too long, head too small. The otters were visible, but sleeping. They reminded me of guido. The hippo was swimming around with it's little fat head and tiny ears peeking above the top of the water. He reminded me of Guido too. I miss Guido. I think we got the short end of the stick in our trade.

Sunday we went to eastern market, where I felt at home in my flowy shirt and sandals. Bought a handblown vase for 15bucks. Only thing i've ever seen that matches our living room set. We ate too much Ben and Jerry's and watched the Princess Bride when we got home. I lubs me some Princess Bride. I could quote that movie all day and laugh like I was the funniest girl ever.

I think I just might be the funniest girl ever.

"Am I going MAD, or did the word THINK escape your lips?? You were NOT hired for your brains you hippopotamic landmass."

Friday, July 08, 2005

Free Love For All!!

You are 0% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 14% Arrogant.
You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie, who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you too love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.


Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.



If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on Rationality
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 84% on Extroversion
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 7% on Brutality
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You scored higher than 5% on Arrogance
Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


We won! We finally won. A home of our own. Brick, siding and some shingles, and it's ours.

Morgan called last night to tell us. He casually asked how the DC fireworks were, if they were as spectacular as i had hoped. He then slipped in "And, when you leave the Hill, if you could swing by my office, I have a contract I need you to ratify..." Hot Damn! And the whole city rejoiced with fireworks just for me.

On the market for approximately 10 hours, with six presenting offers.

So the details:

2 level, 4 bedroom 1 1/2 bathroom rambler home. Mostly brick, some siding. 1/4 acre lot, ugly little kitchen, fireplace, living room, dining room, hardwood floors on the entire main level, laundry room, storage area, central air, baseboard heat, pull down attic steps. Oh, and I forgot the best part:


Where you going? I'm going to C. Burrows 15105 Costa Dr, Woodbridge, where are you going? I'M going to 15105 Costa Dr. Woodbridge.

Pictures will be posted soon :)