I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat
Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while he burned
So while he's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze
Lately, and I know I'm not alone in this, I've had a very hard time sleeping. Lots of tossing, lots of turning, my mind thinks about all sorts of mundane things that don't matter one iota at three in the morning. At first I thought I was just stressed about some medical test results that were pending, and when that resolved, I blamed it on the moon. But now the moon doesn't seem to be bothering anybody else, so I'm not too sure what it's all about.
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts
is that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around
My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do, and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun.
Everyone tells me "Sleep when your children sleep." As if such a luxury was something like a switch. I could just crawl into bed at quarter after eight when the shortlings are snoozing and go to sleep. Now, don't get me wrong, dear blogfans, I would love to do just that. But sleep is so elusive as of late. And I don't know why. I think about it. Actually, when I get out of bed in the morning, my daydreams for the first hour or two are usually about my pillow. I love my pillow(s).
There's so much joy in life
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer
There's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid
My mother informs me that one simply "Can't just continue on like that," and assures me that I will "crash and burn," eventually. Crashing and burning really doesn't sound like something I'm into, but at this point, I'd take what I can get. Last night, after an excessively long day of errands, doctors appointments, dinner with the shortlings and hubbin', a drive to and from Tysons Corner in DC rush hour traffic I decided that enough was enough. I examined a bottle of outdated prescription Ambien, and decided that the expiration date of 2+ years ago was just too much. A good nights sleep was just not worth poisoning myself over. So, I took two benadryl and called it a night. I insisted that the grouchy hubbin' rub my back until I fell asleep. I don't know how long it took, but truth be told, it didn't feel all that long before I drifted off into blissful sleep.
Oh yes, I said it: blissful sleep. Prior to the never-being-able-to-fall-asleep drama of '09, I was plagued with the super-realistic-and-horrendous-dreams trials. However, last night I had no such experience! My dream, the one that I remember, was quite pleasant:
In my dream I was with my sister in the MAC store. This was no doubt fueled by my longing gazes at the new MAC store in Tysons earlier that same day. Anyway, so we were shopping, and there were all these truly wonderful eyeliners - ones with sparkles, and ones with big blunt tips, and ones with tiny little points, and brushes and lipsticks and I just couldn't help myself! We were filling up basket after basket of stuff, it was like children in a candy store. Everywhere we turned there were more wonderful cosmetic products to play with! I turned to my sister, and asked where the eye shadow was. A salesgirl, overhearing directed us to a separate room - one filled floor to ceiling with eye shadow. Colors from every inch of the spectrum, lined ceiling to floor. And blog readers, believe me when i tell you - Angels Heralded in my dream. Choruses of perfectly pitched, exact key "ahhhhhhh" rang out in my dream.
And on that note, no pun intended, I have very high hopes for tonights sleep. Oh, and I think I might have some underlying issues with that whole Heaven-is-a-MAC-store bit.
Who needs sleep?
Well, you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
Tell me, what's that for
Who needs sleep
Be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War