Thursday, January 31, 2008

And then there was one.

I've been avoiding posting this, even though I've known since Monday.

I went in for an appointment with a new doctor, because the old one was seeming to be more and more of an incompetent asshat.  

There is only one viable baby.  It was in there, heart beating away, and the other is dark, shadowy, "reabsorbing" as the doctor gently put it.  

How lonely for the other one.  

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thank you, Merriam-Webster

Electile Dysfunction: n.  The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by any party in the 2008 election year.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Up close and personal with my uterus

I was right - I was measuring exactly a week behind. The new EDD is Sept 8th.

My uterus is retroverted, and the Dr. had a hard time getting a good shot of everything.  One baby is measuring perfectly 7w1d with a heart rate of 156. The other is teeeeeeeny tiny, and the Dr. couldn't locate a heartbeat. He said it's one of two things:

It's either a non-viable pregnancy that will reabsorb and will be no consequence to the first baby. He seemed to lean towards this, but refused to commit to anything. 

Or, because of the tilt of the uterus and bad angle he's getting a bad shot at it, and part of the baby is behind the other one, or it's just not a great angle for viewing the heartbeat. 

So...He offered a few courses of action. One was to come back in two weeks for an ultrasound. The other was to come back at 12 weeks for the nuchal translucency screening (which I was planning on getting anyway). i opted for the second one. I go back the last week of February for the screening, and then we'll know for sure.  I asked him "So, you don't think I'll be carrying twins to term?" and he said "I wouldn't bet the bank on it, but I've seen it happen."

I was so thrown off from the whole "Oh hey look! Two!" thing that I didn't ask for pics. Sorry guys.

How's THAT for an update?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

But...It has CARBS!

People are always on the lookout for a new diet, especially this time of year when resolutions are still fresh on everyone's brain.  THe trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (The Starvation Diet), you don't get enough variation (The Liquid Diet) or you go broke (The All-Meat Diet).  Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after three days.

Over the years, you may have noticed that most two year olds are pretty trim.  Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.  You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards.  Good luck, and I present to you:

The Toddler Miracle Diet

Breakfast:  One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.  Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers.  Dump the rest on the floor.  Take one bite of toast, then smear jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch:  Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk.  (Take only three sips of milk, then spill the rest onto the carpet.)

Dinner:  A stick, two pennies, a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime Snack:  Throw a piece of toast onto the kitchen floor.


Breakfast:  Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.  Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of food coloring.

Lunch:  Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor).  One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack:  Lick a lollipop until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt.  Retrieve and continue slurping until it's clean again.  Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner:   A rock or uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril.  Pour grape juice over mashed potatoes and eat with a spoon.


Breakfast:  Two pancakes with plenty of syrup.  Eat one with fingers after rubbing in hair.  Glass of milk.  Drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.  After breakfast, pick up yesterdays lollipop from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch:  Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Spit several bites onto the floor.  Pour glass of milk on the table and then lap up like a dog.

Dinner:  Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some cherry juice.  Try to laugh juice through your nose, if possible.


Breakfast:  One quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive.  Pour a glass of milk over a bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.  Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to the dog.

Lunch:  Eat bread crumbs off kitchen and dining room carpet.  Find that lollipop and finish eating it.

Dinner:  Drop pieces of spaghetti onto the dog's back.  Insert meatball into ear.  Dump pudding into milk and drink with a straw.  

Repeat days of diet as needed!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A fish's dream should stay in the sea

We took Cecilia to the Baltimore Aquarium on Sunday.  I wasn't quite sure how the day would go, because when the alarm clock went off at 7am, homegirl wasn't exactly enthusiastic about getting out of bed.  Or about her bath.  Or getting dressed.  Or getting in the carseat.  You get the picture.  She perked up a little bit when she discovered breakfast was a donut with rainbow sprinkles.

After a longish and uneventfulish drive to the inner harbor, we paid the astronomical twenty two flippin dollars to get into the damn aquarium.  But it was worth it to see her reaction.

Cecilia loves fish.  We have a little 20 gallon tank here at home, with half a dozen fish, some snails and a few shrimp.  She likes to watch the fish, pointing and yelling "ISH!!!  Mama!!  Ish!!!!"

She thought the aquarium was the best place ever.  She stood at the giant plexiglass tanks, waiting for the fish to swim by.  As they approached, she'd do a little bounce.  And as they passed her by, she would wave and yell "Bye!!  bye ish!  Love you!"  

My kid is SO cute. 

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Let's all go to Gullah Gullah Island

I went to the midwife** on Monday for my first prenatal, which was pretty uneventful, other than the three sticks it took for the Quest technician to draw my blood.  "It hurts me more than it hurts you," she said.  "I hate when I have to stick twice, and it kills me when I have to stick three times."  

Uh huh.  I'm pretty sure it definitely hurts me more.  

Yesterday, the nurse calls back with the results - glucose is good, HIV is negative, obviously, beta hormone levels are at 2800, which according to her is "Much too low to sustain a six week pregnancy," and i'd have to come in on Thursday for a second blood draw to ensure properly rising hormone levels.  Since I was in the waiting room at a different (and unrelated) doctors office, I cut the conversation short, and by the time I was finished with that doctor, the midwife had left the building.  Sadface.  

The midwife called bright and early this morning, and cheerfully announced that my hormone levels were 2800, but she thought I was closer to 4 weeks than 6 weeks anyway, and that I could come in the have them checked again, if I wanted.  

Excuse me?  

I spent a good portion of yesterday moping around, because as most of you know, or I guess maybe you don't, I was less than excited by the news of this pregnancy.  And by less than excited I mean threw-myself-down-on-the-bed-bemoaning-my-existence-and-swearing-my-life-is-ruined.  I've since come around, and now the new baby has a nickname - Binya Binya.  And everyone knows that once something is named it's officially part of the family.  It's become a little more real, and acceptable to me, and I suddenly felt guilty, as if I wished negative things on the baby in the midst of my pity party sob fest.  

Anyway, since I still entirely feel pregnant, and continue to get more crabby and cranky as the day goes on, I am assuming all is well.  But I'm still going to get the numbers checked - just in case ;)  

**  Haha, look at me all having a midwife instead of a doctor.  Fancy pants.  I wanted to have the baby at home with an even crunchier midwife, and completely avoid all this hoopla, but it got the swift and stern veto from everyone I brought it up to.  Boo.  

Friday, January 04, 2008


Wok: I'm making a list of all the reasons I'm glad you're pregnant. Wanna hear it
Saki: Ya.
Wok: 1. im gonna be a god mother
           2. you cant belly flop me in the mornign or you'll squish the baby
           3. we can eat all day and loaf cause i can be sympathy pregnant.
           4. finally there will be someone who pees as much as i do
           5. its a new baby to play with

.......To Be Continued...........

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


Well, the long awaited 2008 is here.

It brought with it a dying car, which is currently being fixed to the tune of 3k. Lovely.

It also brought this:

How 'bout that shit, huh?