How to end the war - Jersey Style

BBQ!

A Day in the Life

For the past week, my schedule has been such:

8:30 - wake up with the kids

9 - drink coffee and eat a bagel

9:30 - sunscreen self and the children

10 - pack the car

10:45 - plop myself down on beach chair and watch kids play in the tide pools

11:45 - lay on my belly on my towel to tan my back and watch the building of a sand castle

12:45 - cool off in ocean

1 - plop myself down on beach chair and watch my kids play in the tide pools

2 - lay on my belly on my towel to tan my back and watch the building of another (bigger, better) sandcastle

3:30 - arrive home and immediately jump into the pool

5:30 - eat something deliciously grilled

7:30 - put the kids in bed

10:30 - enjoy a tasty Rita's Water Ice, courtesy of Jemma

11 - blessed, blessed sleep

I win.

In My Daughters Eyes

On Sunday, we were driving home from my mother-in-law's house, and since we were within 45 miles of it, I made Evan stop in Hoboken for a slice of Gio's Pizza, and a sandwich from Vito's Deli.  

Since there has not been an open parking spot in Hoboken since 1947, we double parked in front of the deli, and Evan ran in to pick up our sandwiches.  It had been a while since we've been there, and a little (somewhat trashy) lingerie shop opened up a few doors down, and we were conveniently parked right in front of their giant windows.  

I spent most of the time convincing Cecilia that Hoboken was not, in fact, Sesame Street, despite her protests of how much the big brownstones looked like Sesame Street and Hooper's Store.  The abundance of pigeons, which she dubbed "Like Burt's Bernice!" didn't help my case, either.

But I digress.  After I finally convinced her that we were only in Hoboken, the backseat grew quiet.

Suddenly she piped up loudly, pointing out her window:

"Look Mommy!  It's like you!  It's like you in that store!  There you are!  In red!  Mommy!  There you are!!"

Much to my amusement and chagrin, my three year old was pointing to a mannequin in the window of the lingerie shop, who happened to be wearing a hooker red sparkly baby doll nightie, and sporting a bleach blonde wig with blunt cut bangs:

Well, if that isn't a dead ringer for me, I don't know what is.  

One more, then I'll stop, I promise!

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.  Eventually, Michael the archangel found him resting on the seventh day.

"God, where have you been??" he asked.

God smiled and sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction as he pointed down through the clouds.  "Look, Michael, look what I've made."

Michael looked puzzled and asked "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it.  I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a place of great balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, looking confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the Earth "For example, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Africa is going to be poor.  The Middle East over there will be a hotspot for turmoil."  God continued, pointing to different countries "This one will be hot, and this one will be very cold and covered with ice."

Michael, impressed by Gods work, pointed to a land mass with the ocean at its border and asked "What is that one?"

"Ahh," said God, "that is the Jersey Shore, the most glorious place on Earth.  There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes and climate.  The people from the Jersey Shore are intelligent, beautiful and humorous.  They will be extremely sociable, high-achieving people, and they will be known throughout the land as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but soon exclaimed "What about balance, God?  You said there would be balance!  Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call the Jersey Shore!"

God replied wisely "Wait until you see the assholes Im sending down from Philly and New York every summer!"

Nothin' matters in this whole wide world, when you're in love with a Jersey Girl

Three men married wives from different states.

The first man married a woman from Idaho.  He told her that she was to do the dishes and the house cleaning.  It took a bit, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Kansas.  He give his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, all the dishes and all the cooking.  The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.  By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a delicious home cooked meal on the table.

The third man married a woman from New Jersey.  He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, laundry done, and hot meals on the table.  He said the first day he didn't see anything.  The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix his wife a sandwich and load the dishwasher.