#1. Eat. Eat often. Pretend like you don't want to eat when you really do. scream like someone is beating you until you get fed.
#2. Sleep will come when Cecilia says so. No amount of patting, rocking, walking, jostling, nursing, singing or any other verb will help expidite the process
#3. The aforementioned sleep will only occur when the magic nipple of slumber is less than three inches from the greedy mouth. Sleep positions include, but are not limited to: hogging 3/4 of the bed by sleeping diagonal between two grown adults; laying in koala position on mom or dads chest; side sleeping with legs in such a position so that every trickle that goes into the diaper miraculously misses the super absorbant huggie and lands directly on the new $100 egyptian cotton sheets.
#4. The world is my teether.
#5. Do not nap. Wait for mom to finish telling someone I don't nap. Promptly fall asleep in her arms and stay asleep until that someone leaves
#6. I will only poop in a clean, dry diaper. If my diaper is slightly damp, I will wait for you to change me, and then upon hearing the snap of my onesie, I will explode, warranting a second changing. This will occur daily.