What manner of douchebaggery is this?

Dear Hoodlums, Hooligans and Various RiffRaff,

I hope that you're pleased with yourself, seizing the opportunity to help yourself to the contents of my vehicle. It took some balls to go into my car in the middle of the day with everyone home and steal things.

I'll have you know that the GPS was a gift from my Mother-in-Law. I hope that it malfunctions and gets you really, really lost.

And that hot pink DVD player belonged to a three year old. I'm sure it looks pretty badass at your house and all, but i'll have you know that the screen has fleckles of vomit on it from when she power puked in the car. I sincerely hope that you get her stomach flu. And I hope you vomit til your eyes fall out.

Oh, and it was most kind of you to leave me the empty case for Elmo in Grouchland. That will surely amuse my children on the seven hour car ride that we will be going on tomorrow. I mean, who needs directions and portable entertainment when you have an empty DVD case.

Regards,
Saki

PS - You suck and I hate you.

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Unpleasantness

Listen StomachVirusFromHell,

I told you two weeks ago to stay out of our life. And you did not listen. You came back to harass my children a third time. Pack your shit, and your vomit and your fevers and check out of my house for good. I mean it.

And if you try to come back again, I will cold stab a bitch. Don't think I won't.

Kthxbye.

- Saki

PS- Fuck you.