I'd say that's pretty funny, Bob

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle

ba-dum-dum-ching!

The-It's-Almost-Friday-Funny

Everywhere I go, I see Christmas trees, hear Christmas music, see Christmas lights twinkling. Now, I love Christmas as much as the next girl, but give the Turkey some space, people.

They want the government controlling social security like it's some kind of federal program

The scene: Sitting in a sea of paperwork, just about to wrap up a three and a half hour application to social security for Lucas

Saki: Okay, that should do it. Anything else I should say about Lucas?

The Hubbin': Did you mention that he's studly?

Saki: I don't think there's an ICD code for that, babe.

Hoppy Eastah! (also, the post in which I fail at youth religious education)

The scene: A crowded restaurant, jam packed with senior citizens during the early lunch rush. I am sitting with The Hubbin'; Cecilia, 4; and Lucas, 2.

Cecilia: It's almost Easter!

Saki: I know! Are you excited?

Cecilia: Mommy, why do we have Easter?

Saki: Because of Jesus. Do you know who Jesus is?

Cecilia: *deer in headlights*

Saki: Jesus was a very, very, very kind man, who lived a long time ago --

Cecilia: Oh, that's nice.

Saki: ...But he died.

Cecilia: That's terrible! How did he die?

The Hubbin', as he runs away: I'm just going to get up and go somewhere that isn't here

Saki: *nervously looking around* Well, there were people who didn't like Jesus, so they put him on a big cross, and he died there.

Cecilia: That was fresh of them.

Saki: But it's okay, because three days later, he came back to life!

Cecilia: What? How?

Saki: Because Jesus is God's son. And God is magical, and because people believed in him, he helped bring Jesus back to life.

Cecilia: So God is magical?

Saki: Uh....yes. Sort of. Yes.

Cecilia: OH! I get it -- God is magic like Harry Potter!

Apples to Apples

Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit!

We can get that for less than minimum wage.

That's right. Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and plan-- that equals 6 1/2 hours).

Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.

However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations.

LET'S SEE....

That's $585 X 180= $105,300

per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).

What about those special

education teachers and the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an

hour. That would be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute -- there's something wrong here! There sure is!

The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days

= $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids! WHAT A DEAL!!!!

Schooled

While sitting at the dinner table, telling each other jokes:

Saki: Knock Knock

Cecilia: Who's there?

Saki: Little old lady.

Cecilia: Little old lady who?

Saki: I didn't know you could yodel!

Cecilia: . . .That wasn't even funny

Saki: Okay, then. Knock knock

Cecilia: Who's there?

Saki: Banana!

Cecilia: Banana who?

Saki: Knock knock!

Cecilia, sighing: Who's there?

Saki: Banana!

Cecilia: I know this one already. That one isn't funny, either.

Damn you, auto correct!

Via text message between The Hubbin' and I:

Saki: I picked up cupcakes at Georgetown Cupcake today

Hubbin': Cool. Any new flavors?

Saki: PB swirl, caramel, and dysentery champagne.

Saki: Curses! Strawberry Champagne. I wouldn't feed you a dysentery cupcake. Not today anyway.

Assembling with Saki

It would be unfair to title this one "cooking" with Saki, because there is absolutely no cooking involved. We have a delightful wintery appetizer for you, today, BlogFans. It's an appetizer that I don't partake in, because of my hatred of olives, but I do have to admit, they are pretty cute. Strap on your snowshoes and march to the store, because you will need:

1 can "Jumbo" black olives, pitted

1 can "Small" black olives, pitted

1 large carrot

1 ball fresh mozzarella cheese

1 jar pimentos (optional)

1 box toothpicks, bonus points if you get the ones with fancy things at the top

Drain all your olives. Pat dry, and very carefully slice the "jumbo" olives lengthwise. Gently open, and stuff the olives with a piece of fresh mozzarella, leaving a stripe of cheese showing down the middle. Cut your carrot into rounds, and cut a wedge out of the round. Using a toothpick, carefully stack your carrot round, stuffed olive and one small olive. Trim a tiny piece of carrot off of the discarded wedge, and make a small slit in the front of the small olive. Shove the carrot piece inside, making a beak. Garnish with a pimento scarf, if desired

Makes: One flock of penguins

Go Saki, it's your birfday!

Cecilia: Mommy, do you have a birthday dress?

Saki: No, I don't think so.

Cecilia: Let's go look at your dresses

*as we flip through my closet*

Cecilia, slightly horrified: None of these are fancy.

Saki: I know. Mommy has boring dresses

Cecilia: I KNOW! How about your wedding dress? That is VERY fancy!

Playtime with Sissy

So, Lucas is a pretty sensitive kid. He likes to be involved with everything his sister does, including getting his nails painted, and playing dress up. The Hubbin' sort of grits his teeth about it, but no one can deny - the boy has fun!

"Hat! Hat! Pretty hat!" - Lucas

Overheard In Our House

Cecilia: Daddy, do you have snack time at work?

Hubbin': No.

Cecilia: I don't ever want to go to work

**************************************

Cecilia: Gaga Ah Ah Ah RaMa RaMaMa Gaga Oh La La I have a little lamb

***************************************

Cecilia: It's almost your birthday. What kind of party do you want?

Saki: I'd like a party where everyone says 'Yes, Mommy!' and 'Sure, I would love to help you with that!'

Cecilia: . . . How about a Chuck E. Cheese party? That sounds much funner.

How to end the war - Jersey Style

California (king) Dreamin'

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

10 Reasons Why Having Toddlers Is Like Being At A Frat Party

10. There are half-full, brightly colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in the corner

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit don, someone is going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA

5. You've got someone in your face at 3am, looking for a drink

4. There's definitely going to be a fight

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested

2. There are crumpled up underwear everywhere

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got in there

Relativity

The Scene: Sitting on my deck last night, talking on the phone to the lovely Lauren.

Me: It's cold.

Lauren: Seriously.

Me: I have on pants, socks, a long sleeved shirt and a hoodie and I'm still freezing. I think it might snow. It feels like snow.

Lauren: My phone says it's 65 degrees.

Me: . . .Oh

Living in the South makes you a total cold weather pansy.

It's all relative

Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat. ~Author Unknown

In the name of the Father, the Son, and

the Holy Toast!

It's a grain MIRACLE!

In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own

Confession time!

Confession #1- I love Harry Potter. In a slightly maniacal obsessive way. I started the series in mid November of this past year, and finished the last book on Christmas (as Santa was so thoughtful as to bring me the entire series!) It was roughly 4200 pages of reading, and I love every word.

Confession #2- I used to mock those who were infatuated with the Harry Potter series. The first encounter I had with a real fan was my Aunt Janet. I was in college and ZooMASS, and had gone to Boston to visit* my Aunt and Uncle. I had a book I was reading with me, and my Aunt said "I'm reading Harry Potter, it's one of the most wonderful books I've ever read. You should read it, I think you'd like it." I snubbed the idea. Wizardry and fantasy worlds didn't appeal to me, and besides, it was a childrens book. The thought of adults milling around Borders at midnight waiting for the new release in robes, with sticks whittled into wands and lightening bolts emblazoned on their heads just made me laugh. Where do those people come from?

What a silly girl I was.

Fast Forward to Present: A near and dear friend, whose literary opinion I value greatly insisted I give the books a whirl. I checked the first one out of the library, and it sat on my nightstand until it was due back. Feeling sorry for the book, I renewed my time with it, and a few nights later lo and behold there was nothing on TV and I had exhausted every single amusing thing on the interwebs, so I cracked open The Sorcerers Stone.

I stayed up all night reading that book. All night. I finally finished the book at almost four in the morning. It sucked me in. I couldn't put it down if I wanted to. It was literary crack.

The Hubbin' ridiculed me the next morning as I nursed my third cup of coffee. He sounded much like my pre-Harry Potter self. "You're such a NERD. Those books are for CHILDREN."

And so began my torrid love affair with the series. The Hubbin', who has never been much of a reader, and hasn't read a book for pleasure since...well....ever, was hesitantly eyeing up the first book after I declared that I wasn't watching the movies with him unless he read the series.

"Reading hurts my head," he told me. "I just can't get into it," "Why do I have to read the books? The movies are probably just as good," he said.

But still, he started. And hasn't stopped since. And it just warms my black heart to see him laying in bed with a book at night. Naturally, I used this opportunity to let my inner dork shine through, and as he was embedded into the second book, I carefully staged this in the shower for him to find when he got ready for work the next day:

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir....Beware

I'm already trying to convince him to go as Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort for Halloween. And yes, that is my three year old daughters red Elmo bathtub paint that I used.

* Visit: Euphemism for going to eat all their food and abuse their washing machine with seven weeks worth of laundry

It's two in the mornin' and the party 's still goin'

See more funny videos and Music Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Go Saki, it's your Birfday!

Happy Birthday to me, dear BlogFans!

My Hubbin' is notoriously bad at remembering my birthday. He usually pulls out lines like "I knew when your birthday was, I just didn't realize it was today!"

This year, however, he was quite pleased with himself, having not only remembered my birthday on the correct day, but also having a card and gift in hand. The gift was small and thoughtful, I enjoyed it. But what really made me Ell-oh-Ell was the card:

"But it was in the birthday section!" he complained. Before I had a chance to take a picture of the unaltered card, he penned in "OF YOUR BIRTH" beneath "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY WIFE"

Ah, menfolk. Such entertainment they are.