What manner of douchebaggery is this?

Dear Hoodlums, Hooligans and Various RiffRaff,

I hope that you're pleased with yourself, seizing the opportunity to help yourself to the contents of my vehicle. It took some balls to go into my car in the middle of the day with everyone home and steal things.

I'll have you know that the GPS was a gift from my Mother-in-Law. I hope that it malfunctions and gets you really, really lost.

And that hot pink DVD player belonged to a three year old. I'm sure it looks pretty badass at your house and all, but i'll have you know that the screen has fleckles of vomit on it from when she power puked in the car. I sincerely hope that you get her stomach flu. And I hope you vomit til your eyes fall out.

Oh, and it was most kind of you to leave me the empty case for Elmo in Grouchland. That will surely amuse my children on the seven hour car ride that we will be going on tomorrow. I mean, who needs directions and portable entertainment when you have an empty DVD case.

Regards,
Saki

PS - You suck and I hate you.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Unpleasantness

Listen StomachVirusFromHell,

I told you two weeks ago to stay out of our life. And you did not listen. You came back to harass my children a third time. Pack your shit, and your vomit and your fevers and check out of my house for good. I mean it.

And if you try to come back again, I will cold stab a bitch. Don't think I won't.

Kthxbye.

- Saki

PS- Fuck you.

Baby Powder....The Toy of Champions

"I'm sorry we made a mess, Mommy, but that was FUN!" - Cecilia

Bleeeeeeh

Dear Stomach Flu,

You were not welcome in our family the first time, and you are really not welcome this second time. Go bother someone else's children and leave mine alone.

Sincerely,

Sick of Vomit

PS- You are disgusting.

Blah blah, health care, yadda yadda

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Quick! He's after our children!!!

Happy Happy Birthday to You

Happy First Birthday, Mungus!!

Advise me, O' Wise Interwebs

I have inherited a jade plant, and it has something wrong with it! It's definitely not mealies, since the patches of white/grey are scaly, rather than fuzzy like mealy bugs usually are. But I think it's killing the plant. I tried plucking all the affected leaves, and that caused tons of new growth, but now some of the new leaves have it, also.

I didn't want to have to do this..

...but I feel it's my last resort.

Dear Comcast,

Hello, Old Friend, we've been down this road before. Remember me? The one who wanted the tiny cable box? Well, it broke. So they gave me another one. Which broke. So they gave me another one. Which broke. So they gave me another one, which is currently broken, even thought I obediently waited around my house all day during my 9am-9pm window for the technician to fix it. This is the third cable box in three days, Comcast. Shape up. Or at least come watch my disgruntled children at 6am when they want to watch Sprout while I caffeinate myself. Gawd.

Love,

Saki

The Darndest Things

While driving the other day, I had the following conversation with my three year old:

Cecilia: Mommy?

Saki: Yes?

Cecilia: When I close my eyes, my ears still work.

Saki: Really?

Cecilia: Yes. See? *Cecilia closes her eyes* My ears are still working.

Dear Hurricane Bill

Dear Hurricane Bill,

You and your rain are seriously cramping my style. Kindly mosey yourself on along and go bother Nova Scotia like the weatherman told you to do.

Thank you,

Saki

PS - You are weak and a rather lame excuse for a hurricane. That is all.

Newsflash!

Potomac News and Messenger is undoubtedly one of the worst papers I have ever read. We cancelled our subscription not long after moving here, due to the fact that not one line in the entire newspaper was devoted to anything other than local news. No wars, no California wildfires, no international relations...If it didn't happen in Prince William County, it didn't happen.

However, being somewhat of a news junkie, I do appreciate my local news, which the Washington Post just glosses over. Not as interesting as DC, not as rough as Prince George, not as wealthy as Fairfax, not as gangsta as Arlington. Prince William County is a minute blip in the Post's radar. So i've taken to reading Potomac News online. I particularly enjoy the police blotter, and really, who doesn't?

So today, after my daily dose of police drama, I came across this article, about the recent Phish concert.

PHISH CONCERT NETS 31 ARRESTS

COLUMBIA, Md. (AP) — Call it shooting Phish in a barrel.

Howard County police say they made 31 arrests at a Phish concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion over the weekend, most of them for drug possession.

Among those charged were four men police say were selling drugs out of a recreational vehicle. Police seized the RV along with marijuana and $12,000 in cash.

Three other people were arrested on drug dealing charges, while 20 were charged with possession. Two were charged with second-degree assault on a police officer and two with trespassing.

Police spokeswoman Sherry Llewellyn says more than 20,000 people attended the show and there was a strong police presence, including some officers who worked undercover.

Pot smoking is common at Phish shows.

Golly...Really?

Today I am grateful for...

Two happy, healthy, beautiful children

A husband who loves me muchly

A deep soaking, intense rain to quench my thirsty flowers

The sunshine that followed

The forethought of my March 2009 self to make and freeze a potpie, so that my August 2009 self wouldn't have to cook tonight

Wonderfully inspiring friends and friendships that encourage me to follow my heart

Strong roots

The kindness and generosity of strangers and neighbors

What are you grateful for, today?

Tiny Dancer

All of last week, Cecilia went to "Princess Ballet Camp" in Alexandria. I'm not positive what exactly she thought ballet entailed, but I don't think it was quite what she expected. Friday, after five days of three hour per day practices, they put on a mini recital. Before they danced, the teacher asked each ballet student something about princesses. Answers ranged from "Princesses never tell lies," to "Princesses wear sparkly crowns." When they got to Cecilia, her answer was "Princesses have Princes." Keep an eye on that one, Daddy.

The music started and my Mommy-Heart swelled and, of course, I cried.

Wands up!

Hopping?

Crown? Check. Wand? Check. Sparkly skirt? Check. Totally Princess.

All of the Princesses

Mommy, if you ever show this to anyone, I will bite you.

Baby you can drive my car

Knocking wood so as not to jinx it, but I have had a working fridge for eight (8) whole days now! For those of you not in the know, my fridge stopped working and was repaired June 25th. It stopped working again July 3rd and just got repaired last Thursday*. You can imagine what the stuff in my fridge looked like after a month with no refrigeration. Obviously we discarded things like milk and cheese immediately, but did you know that jelly completely liquifies when it goes bad? And bad garlic smells disturbingly like hotdogs.

I had to completely empty, sanitize and restock the fridge this week, which is no easy job with two kids in tow...but let's not kid ourselves here, nothing is easy with two kids in tow. My fears were quickly assuaged, though, because Wegman's has rocked my socks this week with their super convenient car carts!

Beepbeep Beepbeep YEAH!

* If you live in Northern Virginia, and have a broken fridge, do not use Quality Appliance Repair. You've been warned. Angry letters by the dozen this month, kids.

Home again, home again

Finally, back in Virginia. Where it is wonderfully warm, and drama free.

Jigetty Jig.

Bliss.

BBQ!