Dear Youngest Child of Mine,

Dearest Lucas,

I understand your predicament. I, myself, am a stomach sleeper. You have, however, put a serious cramp in my sleeping style. So I really do feel your pain at the thought of resting on some other body part, like say, your head, rather than your belly. It would not be my first choice either.

Having said this, dear Lucas, the time for you to come out is rapidly approaching, and you, my dear boy, just will not fit out the exit while laying on your belly. It would be an unpleasant day for both of us. If you could kindly rotate your body ever so slightly, and lay on your head for a while, I promise to get you out as soon as humanly possible.

Love,
Mommy

PS- I'm not kidding, Lucas. If you don't flip around you are like WAY grounded.

The Tale of Two Stories

I had a bunch of errands to run today. Small ones, one thing here, two things there, at a million different places - you know the type. I made Evan drive me, so I could just hop out of the car and run up to the door and not have to worry about parking, and dragging my pregnant self and my toddler across the hot parking lot. Very convenient.

My first stop was the party store, because I needed more thank you cards. I hopped out and into the store I went. In the baby aisle there was a woman who was shopping with what I assumed to be her mother. Neither was pregnant, but from overhearing bits of their conversations while looking for cute thank you cards, it sounded as though they were throwing a shower.

And this is how it happened:

I had found my cards, and was getting ready to head to the register, when I heard. "Ma'am? Are you having twins?"

Huh? Me?

I glanced over, and both women were looking at me, obviously awaiting an answer. A quick peek over my shoulder revealed no one other than the stockboy, who was clearly not pregnant, let alone with twins.

I don't know if it was the heat, or the agitation that I felt by being asked such a ridiculous question, but before I knew what was happening, I heard myself say:

"No. Are YOU having twins, you heifer?"









And this is how it really happened:

I had found my cards, and was getting ready to head to the register, when I heard. "Ma'am? Are you having twins?"

Huh? Me?

I glanced over, and both women were looking at me, obviously awaiting an answer. A quick peek over my shoulder revealed no one other than the stockboy, who was clearly not pregnant, let alone with twins.

"Huh? Me? Oh...Uh, no, there's just one...
he just sticks out really far....
it's just that it's my second baby...
and i'm really close to my due date...
so i guess....
it just....looks...
um...
bigger...
i guess...
you know....
good...uh...good luck with the shower..."

And I sniffled the whole way to the register and paid for my thank yous and ran to the car and burst into huge amount of tears




God I hate being pregnant

Mmmm

Dear Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips,

I love you. Let's get married.

Sincerely,
Saki in Sodium Over-load