Did you remember...

...to fall behind?

Half of our house is an hour off. And I"m too lazy to change it.

Whoops :)

Since I know you're all so concerned about my reproductive system...

Yesterday's prenatal told us....

Baby is measuring 12 weeks 5 days - Right on schedule.
Down another 2 pounds, 16 total - Doctor is still mad (like it's my fault, or something).
Hemotologist won't see me until my white cells are at 25,000 - boooo evil hemotologist.
Blood Pressure was 105/70 - Rock :)
Still don't quite have the hang of peeing in a cup, but we won't go there.

We couldn't hear the heartbeat because the baby was too low, so they did an ultrasound, which everyone in the room got to see but me, because the tech's big fat head was in the way. I didn't even get a picture.

Yeah, I cried the entire way home about that.

I survived the 1 hour glucose test, which, by the way, is the most god awful test ever. "Here, Casey, I know you puked all morning, but drink 50 oz. of this nasty syrup and don't vomit or drink anything else for an hour, and then we'll dig your veins out of your arm with a rusty shovel. Won't that be nice?" bllleeeeecccchhhh.

That's about it. They took more blood, so we'll know about the white cells by the end of the week.

Fall, in the Swamp

Fall has settled into the swamp.

This place is really lacking in it's transition skills, moving from 85 degrees and sweating in the shade, to sweaters and fuzzy socks. No light jacket days, no sleeping with a cool autumn breeze blowing over us. It somehow morphed from the hottest of summer days to the coldest parts of fall. I miss the time lost.

My favorite days are when I can go outside in a long sleeved shirt and pants, and be slightly warm. Sunny days that turn the leaves crisp before they fall. Here, they reach the ground still green - it's like the get too cold to hold onto the trees anymore.

It makes me ridiculously homesick.

Why I Love Lauren

#10- She knows the correct response to "I'm Le Tired"

#9- She doesn't bat an eye as I mutter "aw, shit.." and pass her my looped up knitting

#8- She thinks the phrase "Do you know what that sound is, Highness?" is just as funny as I do

#7- She knows how to make really witty cracks about republicans

#6- She lets my dog love her and show her all his toys (even if she is a cookie hoarde)

#5- She makes fun of my husband more than I do

#4- We share the same distaste for the same types of people - creates very fun bitchfests

#3- She never met a slurpee she didn't like

#2- She promptly declares anyone giving me a hard time a "No talent ass clown" and writes them off

#1- She's always there for me, and makes me smile when the last thing on my mind is smiling :)

Battle Hymn of the Republicans

Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;
he has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push;
he has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;
The Doofus marches on.

I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;
There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;
Should we fault him for the policies - or is he just their tool?
The lies keep piling on.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
His wreckage will live on.

I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;
As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;
Let the smokestacks keep polluting - do we really need clean air?
The surplus is now gone.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Your safety net is gone!

Now he's got a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;
Though the whole world knows its crazy - and the U.N. says to wait;
When he doesn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."
Diplomacy is done!

Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;
Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;
Enraging several billions - to his brainlessness redounds;
The Doofus marches on!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
THIS...DOO...FUS...MAR...CHES...ON

Reason #245426 Why I Hate Virginia

DSC00328
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.

Snakes.

Specifically, poisonous snakes.

Yes kids, that IS a copperhead. In my trashcan.

How did it get there, you ask? Well, sit right back, and you'll hear the tale:

Evan was mowing the lawn, which after 7 inches of rain had grown like the weeds it is. He picked up a few sticks and tossed them aside, when, right there in front of his eyes, one of the sticks slithered away and wrapped itself into our shrub.

After much whoo-ha, and neighborly advice, Evan and the 9 year old from across the street corralled it into our trashcan and secured the lid.

Mr. Pitt, the darling old man from next door declared the snake to be poisonous, and said "I reckon you should hit it with a baseball bat an' just get rid of it."

Not wanting to kill the snake, we fretted back and forth about what to do with our hostage. The lady across the street said "You could call the police...they'll come take it away for you, you know."

In fact, I did not know.

So we called the police, who came with giant snake-picking-up tongs, and scooped him up into another bucket to release back into the wild far, far, far from my front yard.

And so, the snake is gone, but we were warned that it may come back, because they are territorial (who knew?). And so, now, I watch the leaves rustle in the wind with an uneasy feeling in my belly, waiting for that little snake to come and reclaim his home.

Just Keep Knitting

baby blanket
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.

So, after Lauren taught me how to knit on Monday, I've been busy knitting this masterpiece.

My sister declared it to be "metro-sexual" I don't quite think that's the look I was going for, but I'll takes what I can gets.

In the mean time, just keep knitting...just keep knitting...just keep knitting, knitting, knitting.

What do we do? We knit. Knit. KNIT.

La-la-la-lala-la-la-LA

Ya know what I hate?

Commence Rant.

Really obnoxious comments.

The ones where "anonymous" says:

Hey! You have a great blog here! You should check out my blog about Social Security Income in the Country of Tibet, Collected By Locals with 3 Legs and a Goat who is Disabled! I'm going to bookmark your blog now! ok, Bye!

Seriously. WTF. Get a grip. Get a life.

In that order.

Oh, and another thing....You totally aren't "anonymous" when you sign your god damn name at the bottom.

End Rant.

Last one, I promise....

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

Another jab at Dubya...

Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing, and he concludes by saying "Yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" The President exclaims, "This is terrible!"

The President's staff sits, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits with his head in his hands.

Finally, the President looks up and says "How many is a brazillion?"

It's a Sad Day in Mudville...

Today, ItsPat, the psychotic albino frog died. He led a long and glorious life, spending his days uprooting aquatic plantlife, and rearranging rocks in the aquarium. Although his exact age is unknown, friends and relatives guess him to be anywhere from 2-5 years old.

He is survived by his tankmates - Curaco, Feesh, and YetToBeNamed.

Funeral Services led by the respectable Evan Burrows will be held tonight at the MSNBCasey News Station Backyard at approximately 8:30pm.

In leui of flowers, please send donations to the Leukemia Lymphoma Society:

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnAlexan/ltnBurrows3

Shh...You'll spook the goat!

So, this
is my new favorite animal.

It used to be a penguin, but my new favorite is definately fainting goats. They're little, they're cute, you'll never have to mow again, and if you creep them out, they fall down again and again for hours of entertainment. It doesn't get better than fainting goats.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages..

Ultrasound
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.

So, we've had a flurry of photo sharing here at the MSNBCasey News Station. Here's the latest picture in the drama...Our baby, aged 8 weeks 5 days.

For those of us who are ultrasound challenged, myself included, I'll give you the run down. The bigish blackish kidney shaped thing is a uterus. The little grey wad inside of the kidney shape is the baby, and one little star is the top of it's head, the other is the base of it's butt. I don't know which is which.

I don't know what kind of mother I am...I can't tell the baby's head from it's ass...Hopefully this will improve with time.

In other news, 14lbs down since August. Doctor gave me a stern "Eat more, and then don't vomit." lecture. Right. I'll get on that.

Next appointment Oct 25th 11am.

Guido Is Home!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guido
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.

Yay!

Finally, after over a month of sunning, swimming, boating and beaching, Guido has returned to the swamp.

As you can see by the position of his ears, he's not at all pleased with the whole picture taking episode.

He's so cool. I lubs me some Guido.

Shameless Hit For Money

Hello, beloved blog readers.

Since I know that you love the news brought to you by the MSNBCasey News Station, I know that none of you will have a problem reaching deep into those pockets to pony up some fundage for our leukemia walk.

Your donation will go to the leukemia/lymphoma society, an absolutely fantastic organization that saved my mom's life.

Check out our donation website and her story here:

www.active.com/donate/ltnAlexan/ltnBurrows3

Now accepting all major credit cards and checks by mail!

Ch-ch-ch-Ah-ah-ah

This morning, Evan worked from home, as he usually does, at least for a few hours. I was sitting on the bed, putting lotion on after my shower, when he came in the bedroom and announced "Your tree guy is in the backyard."

I looked up at him, and said "I don't have anyone coming to do work on the house this week.."

He looked perplexed and answered, "I was downstairs working on my computer, and when I looked up, there was a man in the backyard. He waved at me, so I assumed that he was here for something..."

ACK! There was a stranger in my backyard! AND HE WAVED AT MY HUSBAND!

How creepy.

So I made Evan stay home from work today, and I can't help but staring out the backdoor, waiting for some derranged stranger to emerge from the woods. Help. It's like a B-horror movie, all we need is the subtle anxious music in the background ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah...

Monday Monday

Today is setting itself up to be a crappy day.

Last Thursday, I had a new filling put in. Without novacaine. Kill me.

Friday night, it fell out as I bit into my sandwich. My sandwich on untoasted potato bread. My sandwich, which was so squishy, a 105 year old man without teeth could have gummed it down. That sandwich broke my new filling.

And so, I waited all weekend for the dentist to reopen, and now I have an 11:30 appointment to get my tooth drilled and filed again with no novacaine. The next step is a root canal. But so help me god, i'll pull the tooth out myself before i have a root canal without novacaine.

Is it Friday yet?

Whoohoo

Holy Crap
Originally uploaded by lilmissimpatient.

Here you have it - the latest breaking story here at the MSNBCasey News Station. We'll be welcoming the newest reporter here May 5th, 2006.

Yup, Cinco de Mayo.

Yay :)

And the sign says "Long-Haired Freaky People Need Not Apply"

Lauren, fully entrenched in her job search, has sent me this listing from Craig's List....It's too good not to share with the world:

Front Desk Position in Upscale Dental Office
Reply to: job-97292478@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-09-13, 3:08PM EDT


Seeking a professional for a permanent part time (approximately 30 hours/week) front desk position in a beautiful quality oriented Alexandria dental practice. We are looking for someone to grow with our practice long term.

Please be upbeat, organized, detail oriented and reliable. Previous experience working in a dental or medical office is a plus. Dentrix knowledge is preferred, however communication skills, attention to detail and a willingness and interest to learn are most important.

Slobs need not apply.
Please email resume or fax with cover letter to: 703-922-9101.
Job location is Alexandria
Compensation: Depends on Experience.
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a part-time job.
no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
no -- Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.

Quick! To the BatCave!

So, last night Evan and I were settled in downstairs watching Law & Order, completely catatonic on the couch. I was wrapped up in my blanket, and he was sprawled out, feet up. The cicadas, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, are particularly bad around here, since we are in the jungle and all. Anyway, I've pretty much learned to tune out their hapless flights into the sliding glass door, and sibsequent sounds of frantically flapping wings as they trickle to the ground after said impact.

But last night I heard the distinct thud and wing flap from inside the God damned fire place. I nudged Evan to go get the stupid bug out, and toss it out the back door. He reluctantly got up, and opened our glass doors to the fireplace. But, how curious! There was nothing inside. He shrugged, and pulled the chains to close the doors and returned to his loafing position.

Just as the defense was making it's case for a clearly guilty S.O.B., this...this...this thing came hurdling itself at the TV. My first thought was wtf mate, that's the biggest cicada yet! When, hark! It wasn't a cicada! It was a bat!

And then there were two.

Two bats.

Flying in circles around the living room, flirting dangerously close with the ceiling fan. Evan, the brave soul that he is, exclaimed "What the fuck? I hate those things!" and promptly locked himself in the bathroom, where he so kindly yelled through the locked door "Babe, are you okay? You should get out of there."

I, of course, found the entire situation to be hysterical. My husband hiding in the bathroom, two bats swooping and flying around my house, and I had nothing to do but lay there like a slug and giggle.

I eventually convinced Evan to come out of the bathroom, and go up the steps and get himself a blanket or something, which he did. He emerged from his voyage to the guest room donning a yellow, pink and blue comforter, with flowers and butterflies on it -- very, very manly. I directed him to open up the sliding glass door and turn the light above it off, hoping the bats would fly into the darkness and outside. Meanwhile, I scooted up the steps to call my dad, to see exactly how one rids one's house of a bat parade.

My father answered the phone, half asleep, groggy, and listened to my wildly tell my tale of the bat invasion. And then he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

He laughed so hard he had to set the phone down on the table. By the time he had come back, I was growing rather impatient, as I had to stand outside to use the cell phone**, and I was chilly in my PJ's. He said to get a towel, and toss it over the bat, and then bundle the whole package up, and flick it out the door. I nodded in agreement. This did, in fact, seem logical.

It seemed logical until we got downstairs with a towel and attempted to catch the bats. Bats, you see, are quick little bastards. And thrown towels are certainly less than graceful. Our efforts were fruitless, and in the end, we used Evans manly comforter covering and tacked it to the ceiling to block the bats from going up the stairs, and then we waited.

Eventually, (hopefully) the bats flew out the back door. There is no sign of them today.

Yet.



**in case I haven't told you, Costa Drive is where cell phone calls go to die. If you have ever wondered what happened to your dropped call, it's here. Hovering somewhere around my house. I make no claims to the whereabouts of the socks that get lost in the dryer though***